Telcos, loyalty, the offside rule and that Bryan Robson sting

Sport is so regularly used as a metaphor for business that I’m surprised telecoms regulators haven’t tried to devise an offside rule. Being American, many of the sports analogies used don’t stand up in Europe although I’ve seen many a journalist who relishes the chance to ‘step up to the plate.’ Conference rule number One: Never feed the press until after the interview. If you can manage it, keep us hungry until we've filed our stories…

Another concept that doesn’t cross over is loyalty. Why on earth should consumers or employees be loyal to some giant, faceless corporation that’s liable to move across town and change at the dangle of a cheque? Why should anyone selflessly devote themselves to an organisation that treats you like a number on a spreadsheet, where the important people all wear name tags and carry goody bags?

Still, that’s enough about Woolwich Arsenal, sorry I mean Arsenal of Highbury…no hang on, Arsenal of the Emirates. If I was earning a hundred grand a week, I think I might kiss the badge of the corporation that was paying me.

The whole question of loyalty in sport and business is highly misleading anyway. It’s been spun so many times than it’s been totally distorted.

The way some businesses use customer relationship management tools is more akin to stalking by a crazed fan. They spy on you, generate endless anonymous phone calls and then bombard you with mail. I’m surprised nobody’s served a restraining order on their telco yet.

Recently, Bryan Robson was caught in a sting set up by Channel4 for saying that football is a business. What is so wrong with that?

Surely Robson, of all people, deserves to be recognised for his loyalty. He played for only two clubs, both of which he gave good service. When he signed a boot sponsorship contract, he insisted, as part of the deal, that some of the manufacture was done in his hometown, bringing vital jobs to a struggling local economy in the North East.

If only some businesses showed the same sort of devotion to their employees and customers.